This blog post is This Aging Face. Controversial? Sure, but I'm very excited about 'going there' with you and we'll continue the discussion over on our private Facebook group - Women 40+, Self Love, Body Love, Summer Confidence.
Wendy Coombes is our guest writer. She's smart, wise and very transparent in this personal article. I deeply appreciate her insights. I know you will too.
I had my first shot at 41 and my second shot 6 months later. I'm not talking about vaccines here. I'm talking about Botox (oh and maybe a bit of filler here and there...).
Read about what made me decide to have injectables and now, 15 years later, what is making me think critically about whether to continue with it or say goodbye to injectables and let my face age as nature intended.
This Aging Face.
Three weeks after I turned 40, I lost my husband to cancer. The stress of caring for him (it was a 5-year ordeal) and a raft of other complexities and pressures definitely left its marks. Not just on my face. On top of everything else, that same year, (early) menopause came knocking.
What I saw in the mirror was a painful reminder of what I had been through. In particular, I had this deep frown line between my eyebrows that was impossible to miss. I didn't like it but it had never even occurred to me to do anything about it.
Until one night over dinner, one of my girlfriends (12 years older than me) told me how she just had some Botox and fillers "done". She didn't look like she was all "pumped up" or younger. Just rested and relaxed.
Long story short, that night a seed was planted and later that year, I gave Botox a try. It was my GP who administered it. She's a very skilled practitioner and only used a small dose. The effect was very subtle. It just gave me a more rested look (definitely not that frozen, stunned expression). I liked it.
But here's the thing. Botox indirectly improved my emotional well-being.
Simply being able to look at myself in the mirror and liking what I saw, made me feel good. Confident even. It had an impact on how I showed up in life. This established a positive feedback loop for me.
Was vanity a significant factor in my decision? Of course, it was. I'm not even going to pretend it wasn't. However, I could never have imagined the positive effect it had on my emotional well-being at a time that was enormously challenging.
So all this happened some time ago (I'm now 55). Over the years, the frequency and dosage of Botox for me have become less, not more (the result of having more frequent treatments early on). I can't say that I have regretted any of it (and I've managed to keep that frown line at bay).
That said, I am following a growing cohort of women who bravely challenge the idea that older faces somehow need fixing.
I'm talking about women like Justine Bateman and fashionista Judith Boyd (79). These brave sisters, and others like them, are stirring up a long overdue conversation. Too many of us have bought into this idea that we need to be embarrassed and apologetic for the fact that our faces age naturally.
Justine Bateman's book (Face: One square foot of skin) is a series of short autobiographies of women, from all walks of life. One of the stories that stood out for me was by an actress (Donna Weston) who during a high school reunion, from a toilet cubicle, overheard a group of former classmates discuss her appearance.
Here are some snippets of what she heard:
"She looked bad at 30. Now she just looks like hell."
"I know she looks rough."
"She looks like a witch".
"It's because she had no work or Botox done."
I know some women can be bitchy but the thought of overhearing such stinging gossip that is all about your physical appearance? It's just so utterly cruel and heartbreaking.
We are so much more than our faces and yet the reality is we are so frequently judged on our looks.
So reading that and other stories of women being written off or being judged on the basis of what their face looks like has given me pause to think.
Also, I saw this wonderful interview with Judith Boyd over at IGTV (highly recommend watching it). Judith started a fashion blog at the age of 76 (she's 79 now) and quickly amassed a following (over 60k followers on IG today). She speaks eloquently and vulnerably about her decision to age naturally.
Judith is smart and "oh so" stylish. She wears beautiful hats and colourful statement fashion items. She looks her age but it's her sense of style and fun that gives her an undeniable youthful energy. I love her!
Clearly, I'm far from being a moral crusader when it comes to debating the ethical considerations for or against cosmetic treatments. However, these women have me thinking more critically about the decisions I make as I get older.
What worked for us 10 years ago might no longer serve us today, right? Just because something works for me doesn't mean it's right for you.
Ultimately though, as long as we put thought into our decisions and feel confident and right in making them, in my view, it is entirely a personal choice. Stand by it and don't let others make you feel like you're a lesser person for making a choice that they might not make for themselves.
I know this is a bit of a heavy topic and one that may open the door for questions, comments and opinions. So Anita has invited me to take part in the Facebook Group this week in case you would like to continue the conversation. I think it's an excellent idea and hope to see you there. No judgement. Only Love and Respect.
Share your Aging Face story and continue the conversation over at the Women 40+ Self Love, Body Love, Summer Confidence private Facebook group.
Join us. We can all learn from each other and support each other through midlife.
Anita xx
Founder & Owner : Sequins and Sand
