"We are emotional beings, who on occasion, think." Brene Brown
Emotions are the drivers that sit behind the decisions we make, the choices we make, and the actions we take. Feeling. Thinking. Doing. Yet so often in our 'western, modern ways', we are taught that to 'show emotion' is weakness. That if you're 'too emotional' you're hard to handle and understand.
Well, ladies, I say it's time to unwrap the emotions within and re-discover who we are, and what we want and live an abundant next chapter of our lives. Are you with me?! Let's go. Starting with the basics. With an open heart and curious mind :)
<b<What Are Emotions?</b>
Emotions are complex critters with a few dimensions to them. They drive feelings but that's just one dimension of emotions.
1. At the Cellular Level - Emotions are messages carried through our body via neurotransmitters called peptides. "Neurotransmitters are chemicals, that carry an electrical charge. The electrical signals in our brains and bodies affect the way cells interact and function." Our cells are literally vibrating. This is why we can 'sense' how someone is feeling. "As our feelings change, this mixture of peptides travels throughout your body and your brain. And they're literally changing the chemistry of every cell in your body – and sending out vibrations to other people." Dr Candace Pert (The Physics of Emotions). Different parts our our brains 'house' different emotions too. Fascinating!
2. Cognitive Changes - our thinking and perceptions - our feelings are influenced by our emotions.
3. Physiological Responses - emotions show up in our bodies in a physical sense too. Sweaty palms, racing heart, shaking hands, smiling, frowning, crying, changes in how we breathe. The list goes on.
I love this explanation from Rachel Allyn Ph.D. "A bully might respond with the feeling of anger because it feels empowering, whereas labelling the threat "fear" would be too vulnerable for them. In contrast, the non-bully might respond by feeling intimidated. This is why feelings can be so different from person to person in the same scenario." When they are experiencing the same underlying emotion.
How Many Emotions Do We Have?
Depending on the research done and its interpretation, the numbers can vary wildly. But let's stick with Brene Brown's work. Brene's team asked 7000 people (over 5 years) to name the emotions that they were aware of in themselves and others. The average number identified was 3. Most commonly sad, bad and glad.
Their recent research suggests there are 87 emotions and experiences. That's quite a gap. Why is that?
What hit me whilst researching this edition, is the amount of advice and information for adults to teach children, parents to teach their kids. I certainly don't remember conversations with my parents about the emotions I was feeling, they were feeling. Maybe that has something to do with it. It's a generational, 'how things were done back then' thing. No discussion.
Emotions Literacy & Why We Need It
Emotional Literacy is the ability to recognise, name and express feelings.
When we can label something it makes it easier to understand. When you can describe something using the appropriate words, not only is your understanding deepened, but you feel like you've expressed yourself clearly in a way that in turn, can be more easily understood. We have been heard. We have listened and understood. It's foundational to developing our Emotional Intelligence.
Here are five reasons why understanding emotions is important according to emotions expert Dr Marc Brackett. They affect and impact our:
1. Ability to pay attention.
2. Decision making.
3. Relationships.
4. Physical and Mental Health
5. Performance and Creativity
(Read about these in greater detail in the Forbes article listed below).
If we understand our emotions and the feelings we feel when they are in play, then we can be better versions of ourselves, having a positive impact on the 5 areas mentioned above.
Developing Emotional Literacy
As with any new skill, it takes time and practice. Give yourself time. Be kind.
- Self-Awareness - catch yourself and reflect on 'what am I feeling' and what is causing that; to recognise that more over time
- Self-Regulation - feel it, take a pause (create the space) then act; taking the pause makes a huge difference in response and over time, regulation
- Refining words - the vocabulary used to name the emotion as accurately as possible
Let's Get To Know: Curiosity & Awe
Appreciating there are 87 emotions, let's start with 2. I've chosen these because I think they are essential and incredibly powerful. Atlas Of The Heart by Brene Brown is the reference here (see the link below).
Curiosity: Interest with an open heart and mind. "We've acknowledged a gap in what we know or understand and our heart and head are both invested in closing that gap." But it's not simply about asking a question to understand. It starts with some knowledge or awareness and from there, we build.
"Choosing to be curious is choosing to be vulnerable because it requires us to surrender to uncertainty. We have to ask questions, admit to not knowing, risk being told that we shouldn't be asking and sometimes, make discoveries that lead to discomfort."
Is curiosity the antidote to judgement? I think it could be. Creating safe places, without judgement is a core value of mine. Could be why I've always been curious and my first spoken words were 'What's that?'
Awe: Not wonder. Awe.
Have you ever stood in a place that makes your heart beat so forcefully you feel like it might burst? You want to breathe in everything around you so that absolutely nothing is left behind. You want to take it all in. Standing near a cliff edge, staring at the vast, incomprehensible expanse before me in the Kimberley had me feeling that way; and so very, very small. That is to experience Awe.
No wonder, which has to it the want to know more. But Awe. I still sense that feeling (albeit not as intensely) recalling that day, that moment, that memory. Awe.
In future editions, we will explore more emotions. I believe the more emotionally literate we are, will equip us well to become the best versions of ourselves. A powerful, positive ripple effect will flow out to others, leaving a wonderful legacy.
Anita xx
Founder & Owner : Sequins and Sand
Where to from here?
Continue to learn more about and talk about Emotions in our private Facebook group Women 40+ Self Love, Body Love, Summer Confidence. You'll need to be a member to join in. It's easy to do. Click on the link above and ask to join. If you're already a member, thank you!
We explore other MINDSET topics in our paid membership community, The Summer Confidence Society. Monthly Masterclasses and more. Topics around STYLE, MINDSET and WELLNESS. Find out more about joining this beautiful community here. I'd love to see you there.
