This blog post will tackle Disconnection. An emotion that hits hard for many of us in midlife and in our menopause transition.
Let's dive in.
Quick Recap - Emotions 101
Emotions are the drivers that sit behind the decisions we make, and the actions we take. Emotions are actually in the driver's seat. Then we Feel, Think and Do. And it all happens in the blink of an eye.
Brene Brown's research team tells us that there are 87 emotions and experiences, but most of us can readily name 3: mad, sad and glad.
Here we are going to explore some of the most common ones we feel as women in midlife, beyond the 3 amigos. Today it's Disconnection's turn.
What Is The Emotion of Disconnection?
If Connection is "the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship" (Brene Brown), then Disconnection is the opposite of that.
As a species, we are wired for connection. For our very survival, we need to work together. That's why when our connections fail it cuts us to the core. It's painful. Our brains recognise it in the same way it recognises physical pain. Feelings of Disconnection are often as real as physical pain.
- Disconnection from others - relationships with others
- Disconnection with ourselves - the relationship we have with ourselves
Disconnection With Ourselves
When Disconnection from others is experienced over time, it can create disconnection within ourselves.
In my experience and the 1000s of conversations I've had over the years with women, Disconnection within ourselves is felt when we Disconnect from our bodies. The thought, the action of being in a swimsuit will do that. Talking about our body parts as if they weren't part of us.
For some of us, feeling Disconnected from our body has been a long and exhausting experience, whilst, for others, the midlife years have really placed it front and centre.
Our body shapes have changed. We've put on weight. Night sweats, aching joints, hair loss, dry skin...a shopping list of physical changes.
Words just seem to pour out of our mouths before we realise what we have said. Not backing down. And as for giving 2 hoots...forget that!
What we want for ourselves now is very different to what we have wanted before. If you're not on board, I'm doing it anyway!
All of these changes can have us wondering who the heck we are. Who is this person? I don't feel I recognise her some days. THAT is the feeling of Disconnection.
Embodiment
"For many of us.....it's easier to live in our head and be completely disconnected from our bodies. But there's a cost." (Brene Brown).
Thinking over feeling. Pushing those feelings aside and down.
Embodiment calls us to be aware, to feel and allow our body's emotions. "This embodied awareness is necessary to realign what we do with what we believe. The actions we take in the world and the beliefs that we hold." (Prentis Hemphill). Powerful stuff. Important stuff. The importance of feeling - that connection with our body.
We must get back to feeling. To listen to our body. With kindness and love. Not numbers first. That 'magic' weight. That certain size. I hear and see this all the time and firmly believe it's more destructive than constructive. Measure with numbers if you must, but don't let them lead. Feel first.
Being on Autopilot
Life can get very busy. We can get caught in the vortex of doing, sometimes to the point of exhaustion. Our body sends signals, but do we listen? Being out of alignment with ourselves happens when we're on autopilot.
I love how Sonya Renee Taylor (The Body Is Not An Apology) talks of Disconnection."Have you ever felt like you were living your life on autopilot? Somehow you just keep recycling old behaviours and ideas that you know don't serve you, but you can't seem to interrupt them. You are not alone! That sense of autopilot is the result of being disconnected from our thoughts. Without our awareness, thoughts run covert operations all through our lives, assassinating our sense of worth and blowing up our connections with other humans."
How Does Disconnection Show Up For You?
Brene Brown says that shame is the fear of Disconnection. We all feel Disconnection from ourselves and others. It comes with the territory of being human. How does Disconnection show up for you? In your body? With others? Maybe you relate to feeling out of alignment, out of sorts?
Body disconnection (disembodiment) is what I hear about the most in this community. It's important to appreciate the feeling, the impact it can have on your life. It may have you second-guessing yourself. It may be such a struggle that it holds you back and stops you from enjoying life with those you love. Feeling Disconnected will feel different for all of us, but we all feel it. In different ways, in different circumstances at different times in our lives. Your beautiful body unconditionally serves. It does not intentionally seek to harm you as hard as that may be to appreciate every day. Tune into your feelings about your body and with kindness bring it back into your heart. To heal.
Anita xx
Founder & Owner : Sequins and Sand
Where to from here?
In future blog posts, we will explore more emotions focusing on those we feel in midlife - in our menopause transition. If there are emotions you'd like us to explore please let me know at I really want this to serve you in ways that make a positive difference, so please reach out and let me know :)
We explore other MINDSET topics in our paid membership community, The Summer Confidence Society. Monthly Masterclasses and more. Topics around STYLE, MINDSET and WELLNESS. Find out more about joining this beautiful community here. I'd love to see you there.
