Emotion is so important that we understand them for a greater connection with ourselves and others. This week it's Anger. An emotion we all feel and think we know well. But do we?
Let's dive in.
We think that we think first then feel. But nuh-uh. Emotions are actually in the driver's seat. Then we Feel, Think and Do.
Anger. It's one of the familiar 3 emotions: mad, sad and glad. We think we know it well because we can name it and we feel it often. But...I challenge that.
In this blog post, I'd like to dig deeper and ramp up your curiosity about this familiar emotion. Not to offer ways to manage it because hey, I'm no psychologist. But rather to share with you what drives Anger so that you can deepen your understanding as you feel it in you, and see it expressed in others.
What is Anger?
Brene Brown's research team tells us that there are 87 emotions and experiences, but most of us can readily name 3: mad, sad and glad.
Anger, mad or 'pissed off', masks about 25% of them!
What does that mean? Anger is widely regarded by researchers as being a secondary emotion. One that you feel after you feel something else first. So there are potentially about 20 or so other emotions that bring out anger.
I love how Michael Swerdloff (holistic counsellor) explains it, based on his personal experience.
"Many years ago, the psychologist who turned my life around once told me, Michael, anger is a secondary emotion. You must feel another emotion first before you can experience anger. The primary emotion is typically fear...Of course I became even angrier when she said this! I remember thinking, Fear? I'm not scared of anything. I'm pissed off, not scared!. Her words haunted me. In the following weeks and months, every time I became angry, I often heard her in the back of my head whispering, Michael, anger is a secondary emotion. You must feel another first before you can experience anger. Notice how the fear part was left out of my process? Eventually, the part about fear also made its way into my process. That's when the shift began for me."
There is a Spectrum of Anger that ranges from mild irritation to rage. Some responses are sudden bursts that dissipate once the trigger is removed. Others persist and are longer lasting with no identifiable trigger. Intense, strong feelings are more aggressive. They cycle through escalation, aggression and guilt. (Novac: The 3 Levels of Anger - Episodic, Persistent and Aggressive).
The Emotions That Anger Masks
So what sits behind Anger? What is Anger protecting us from facing, so we don't have to experience it? The graphics below sum it up simply for me. I'm hoping they do for you too.
Are you surprised? Some may be more obvious than others. Which 'masked emotions or feelings' surprise you?
Taking awareness a step further...Angry behaviour is Learned. There are healthy ways to express anger.
I've certainly been an angry person in my day. Since practicing yoga I've learned to calm. And with that calm has come perspective. Space to step back and see things differently about myself and others. Explore and practice regularly, a habit that will create calm and 'mind space' for you. It's life-changing.
Anger in Midlife and Menopause
As women in midlife, we are more likely to feel the underlying emotions of anxiety or depression. "You might experience anxiety or depression due to hormonal changes associated with menopause or other work and life pressures. If you had anxiety before reaching menopause, some menopausal symptoms (e.g. hot flushes) could increase your anxiety." (Jean Hailes Women's Health).
I don't mention these emotions to alarm. I want you to know that if you do feel this way, you are not alone. It's important that we build our collective awareness of these difficult emotions felt by many women during midlife. It's okay to talk about it with those who understand and can help. It's up to all of us to be empathetic and hold the space for these conversations so we can build more kind connections with each other.
Anita xx
Founder & Owner : Sequins and Sand
Where to from here?
If you'd like to understand more about the emotion of Anger, then I invite you to click on the links in the Read, Watch and Listen area below.
In our private Facebook group Women 40+, Self Love, Body Love, Swimsuit Confidence we will continue the conversation with posts and prompts. If you're not a member, just ask to join when you click on the link here.
We explore other MINDSET topics in our paid membership community, The Summer Confidence Society. Monthly Masterclasses and more. Topics around STYLE, MINDSET and WELLNESS. Find out more about joining this beautiful community here. I'd love to see you there.
