Emotion is so important that we understand them for greater connection with ourselves and others. We've explored Shame. That is big on so many levels.
Now let's talk about Empathy, Shame's kryptonite.
Let's do this, together.
Empathy is an interesting emotion to explore. An important one to get our heads around and understand because of the power that it has to create deep connections. But it's an often misunderstood emotion and one that I think suffers from an identity crisis of sorts. So...let's see if we can create a clearer understanding of Empathy, together.
Empathy Is...
Empathy is the ability to understand another person's thoughts and feelings in a situation from their point of view, rather than your own and to be able to reflect that understanding back. Feeling with someone. "We can respond empathetically only if we are willing to be present to someone's pain. If we're not willing to do that, it's not real empathy." (Brene Brown)
Developing empathy is crucial for establishing relationships and behaving compassionately. And according to the research of Brene Brown and her team, it's the antidote to Shame. Which is why we're exploring it more deeply.
"If you put Shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment. If you put the same amount of Shame in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive,"
Empathy is Shame's kryptonite.
Empathy Is not...
Sympathy: If Empathy is how we create connection, Sympathy creates distance. "Oh, you poor thing". Is that Empathy or Sympathy? You're concerned, yes, but you're doing it from an emotional distance.
When we are empathetic, we choose to connect with the emotions between us. We don't take them on but we stand together, alongside and we give them all the space and time they need to be heard, felt and understood.
Walking in your shoes: When I try to put myself in your place rather than understand how you're feeling from your perspective, the connection is muddied. At its core, empathy is understanding.
Having to agree with others: Empathy is about understanding the emotions and perspectives of others, not necessarily agreeing with them. It's possible to empathise with someone without supporting their beliefs or actions.
Trying to fix things: We feel it, it's natural to want to make it go away, to fix it. But what that does, is it makes the distance between us, bigger. The connection is snapped. "I don't want you to fix it, Mum, I just want you to listen." This is a lesson I have learned the hard way, and I'm still learning. My daughter is my brilliant and patient teacher.
How To Be More Empathetic
Being more empathetic is a skill that can be learned and developed over time. Here are a couple of key ways to become more empathetic.
* Remove Biases - have an open mind and be aware that we form our views and beliefs based on our own personal context...our own bubble. Bust that bubble, lean in and listen, to understand. No judgment.
* Establish Boundaries - boundaries are not about creating distance but rather a healthy delineation. Empathy is about connection, not 'becoming that person'. It's important that whilst we connect at an emotional level we don't take those emotions on ourselves and draw them into ourselves. That is a dangerous, exhausting and potentially destructive path to take. Boundaries promote accountability, fostering perhaps one of the healthiest connections of all - building trust. What is okay and what is not okay.
When we act with Empathy towards others, it builds understanding, trust and connection. A stronger community, a better world. Let's not forget to take care of ourselves too, with compassion.
Where To From Here?
If you'd like to understand more about Empathy, then I invite you to click on the links in the Read, Watch and Listen area below.
We explore emotions and MINDSET topics in our paid membership community, The Summer Confidence Society. Monthly Masterclasses and more. Topics around STYLE, MIND and WELLNESS. Find out more about joining this beautiful community here. I'd love to see you there.
In our private Facebook group Women 40+, Self Love, Body Love, Swimsuit Confidence we will continue the conversation with posts and prompts about Empathy. If you're not a member, just ask to join when you click on the link here.
Anita xx
(The Cossie Whisperer)
Founder & Owner : Sequins and Sand
